We are Godzilla  You are Japan
by Purple Joe
Summary: A tale involving Ian Watkins, Sean Smith and various other people.
1. Chapter 1

The doorbell rang at Kady White's London apartment. The apartment was high end considering her band, "Small Town Mentality", had only achieved minor fame; probably the same the level of fame as Welsh rockers "The Blackout". This was convenient as TBO's infamous front man Sean smith was close friends with Kady so they could tour the world together, occasionally.

Anyway, Kady ambled to the door in her ripped skinny jeans and Aerosmith

T-shirt wondering who would possibly call at this ungodly hour, as it was 4am. Smiling, she realised that it was her long term boyfriend Ian David Carslake Watkins, she increased her pace across her swanky apartment because after all it wouldn't be 4 am forever, she gave a quiet laugh, it had to be said: she was a laugh and a half. She had learnt to laugh so readily because she grew up in the armpit of England, where the sentiment laugh or cry held great resonance. Her hometown was quite literally a shithole.

She opened the door and feigned surprise when she saw the tall, dark and handsome Ian Watkins standing in her doorway.

"What brings you here, Watkins?"

Ian, by this point immune to Kady's strangeness exclaimed:

"Oh shit! Isn't this Gavin Butler's new stately home?"

They both laughed heartily remembering when Ian received an invite to Gavin's house warming party but did not receive the new address.

Ian, noticing a note that had been pushed under Kady's door, bent down to pick it up, the note had been folded several times and appeared to be written in blood.

_Hey Kady,_

_I was in the area and thought I'd stop by but you weren't in! You douche bag! I wanted back my leather jacket that you borrowed because my arms are cold._

_S'laters_

_Sean Smith x_

Ian breathed a sigh of relief, realising that the note was actually written in red pen, by their mutual friend rather than an axe wielding psychopath or worse: his ex Ivy Levan. Ian sauntered into the lounge and shrugged off his expensive black coat, exposing his slender yet well-toned physique beneath his tight T-shirt. Kady and Ian were about to get jiggy with it when they heard a racket that made them both stop in their tracks. The racket was caused by a girl with a thick northern accent singing "London Calling" drunkenly in the hallway, Kady Groaned suddenly recognising the voice as that of her best friend, who had recently moved to London after being thrown out of university. For the second time that morning her doorbell rang, but this time Kady wasn't pleased at having a visitor. However much she loved her friend, Stacey, she was pissed off at her for ruining the sexy time and had intended to tell her to go home but when she opened the door she couldn't help but laugh. Stacey was dressed from head to toe in a Boy George outfit and was swaying slightly in the doorway.

"Let me in! I'm freezing my bloody balls off!"

"You don't have balls"

Stacey looked down at her trousers that were hidden by her tunic and seemed genuinely surprised.

"I must have frozen them off already then."

Suppressing a laugh Kady hissed "Go home! I have company."

At this, Stacey launched into the Culture Club Classic "Do you really want to hurt me"

Ian Wakins, who had appeared behind Kady seemed bemused by the craziness of the situation "Are you going to let Boy George in then love?"

Still singing, Stacey bounded into the apartment revealing Jesus Christ who had also been looming in the doorway.

"Am I back on drugs?" Ian asked Kady quietly.

"No unfortunately these loons are my best friends, Stacey and Molly. Molly is the one dressed as Christ."

"We've been to a par-tay" said Molly pronouncing the word party as she had heard many American boys in second rate films do.

"Molly came to visit me, bringing her 15 frigging guinea pigs! While were out my Landlord found them all and threw me out!"

"JESUS CHRIST! FIFTEEN?" screamed Ian louder that was necessary, then added "See what I did there?"

Kady, Stacey and Molly all laughed raucously acknowledging the sheer genius that stood before them, at that moment Kady felt like she was stood in the mist of the holy trinity; Jesus, Ian Watkins and Stacey and promptly told the trio.

"That's funny; I've brought the Holy Spirit with me!" Said Stacey, producing a bottle of tequila from nowhere. "My landlord wouldn't let me pack so I just grabbed the most important thing" she explained gravely and the others nodded knowingly.


	2. Chapter 2

The next day, Kady awoke to the sound of fifteen guinea pigs squealing loudly. This was accompanied by Stacey's cries of "Help me! Get these vermin off me!"

Kady rubbed her eyes and was startled to see Stacey, still in Boy George attire, beating the guinea pigs, which hung from her limbs, with a spatula. Suddenly, the sight of her beloved guinea pigs flying across the room was too much for Molly and began to sob uncontrollably, the tears running down into her beard. Just at this moment, Ian Watkins immerged from the bathroom wearing nothing but a towel and before he could say anything he was hit smack in the chest with a large ginger guinea pig, knocking him to the ground.

Seeing her boyfriend knocked to the floor by a furry beast and her best friend being molested by several them, Kady turned to Molly/Jesus "Why on earth would you bring your fifteen guinea pigs into my apartment?" She then turned to Stacey "Stop hitting my boyfriend with guinea pigs please and is that my spatula?" Kady then turned her attentions to Ian, who was still on the floor, "Are you okay Watkins? Do you need any medical attention?"

Molly was too distraught to answer so Stacey explained "My landlord phoned and said if no-one picked up the guinea pigs then he was going to use them to make a soup, Molly didn't want them to be made into soup though, so she went and got them, she transported them in your bed quilt."

The anger Kady felt upon being told that her bed quilt had been used to bring fifteen beasts into her apartment that had then attacked her best friend, who bravely fended them off with a kitchen utensil, only to injure one of the United Kingdom's greatest musicians, made her blood boil.

"Molly get them out of my home and take yourself with them, you know I hate animals."

Still crying, the guinea pig queen rose to her feet, which bore attractive sandals for her role as Jesus. Molly pulled out a pipe from her pocket and began to play a tune as she left, upon hearing the music; all of the guinea pigs followed her out of the door in an orderly fashion. Unbeknown to the relieved occupants of the apartment, Molly secretly vowed to have revenge on Kady for humiliating her in such a way and Molly knew the greatest revenge that she could wreak was to murder the unconscious Welshman that lay on Kady's floor. Molly was going to murder Ian Watkins.


	3. Chapter 3

As Molly made her way down the stairs, accompanied by her army of guinea pigs, Kady and Stacey finally realised that Ian was unconscious.

"Erm… Kady, Ian hasn't moved or spoken in a while."

Kady made her way towards the lifeless Ian Watkins and gently nudged his shoulder.

"Ian?" Kady's already pale face drained of all colour as she tried to wake him up again. Ian smirked at his panic-stricken girlfriend and without opening his eyes quietly laughed "You sounded a bit worried there. Did you think I was dead love?"

Kady, who had been genuinely planning Lostprophet's infamous front man's funeral (involving Sean Smith's acoustic cover of the Beegies classic, "Staying Alive" whilst making Ian's corpse dance with the aid of puppet strings) stayed silent. Stacey stopped the conversation from going any further by announcing to the couple's dismay that when Molly had left the premises, she had stolen the first copy of Small Town Mentality's third studio album. Kady, who had been cooped up in the studio to record the album for a total of two months, working eighteen hours a day, putting blood sweat and tears to deliver an outstanding metal album to her legions of devoted fans, felt like she was going to cry. Instead of crying however, she just swore a lot and threw a framed photograph of herself and Molly out of her window. "If she leaks it, all my band's work will be for nothing, we may even have to record a new album!"

Ian Watkins – never one to mince his words- decided to air his views on the situation "I can relate to the problem after I had to re-write a whole album once, Jared Leto thought making "This is war" was hell… he doesn't know he's born! What a tosser!" Kady by this point was too busy angrily phoning Molly to beg for the stolen album to listen, but Stacey piped up "I'm not being funny mate, but Jared Leto did go to hell to make that album."

Ian turned in horror to face the Boy George impersonator. Stacey beamed and exclaimed "Small joke Ian! I was just trying to lighten the atmosphere." Ian breathed a sigh of relief, I mean it was one thing a woman dressed as Jesus bringing fifteen guinea pigs to his girlfriend's apartment and then stealing her unreleased album but he would have had a breakdown if anyone had seriously believed Leto's claims.

Kady was unable to get through to Molly but left her a series of abusive and threatening voicemails. "If you don't give me my album back today, I'm going to puncture you lungs with a screwdriver and then gouge out your eyes with a dessert spoon!"

Ian and Stacey weren't at all surprised by Kady's outburst as they had witnessed her wrath many a time, Ian did however try to calm her down by suggesting they all go to the pub. Taking hold of Kady's hand, Ian lead her out of the apartment before she had the chance to threaten Molly's family members and get herself imprisoned. Stacey opted to change out of her Boy George costume because in the cold light of day she remembered that although George was undeniably a musical genius and national treasure, he had previously been convicted of kidnapping a rent-boy. Stacey, who personally was opposed to the kidnapping of male prostitutes, didn't want to give anyone the wrong idea so decided to put on some leggings and her favourite band t-shirt. As soon as she had gotten changed Stacey ran along the street to catch up to her best friend and her favourite Welshman; Ian being her favourite Welshman wasn't a mean feat as prior to Ian Watkins becoming Kady's lover, the only Welshman she had known was her old science teacher who talked like he had, had his voice box removed and replaced with that of a dormouse. When Stacey had managed to catch the duo up, they all made their way to Kady's local, _The King's Arms_. The kings Arms was the type of public house that is so rarely cleaned, your elbows stick to the tables and if you were to wear the wrong football shirt, you'd either be bottled in the face or end up carrying your ear home in a pint glass. Despite it's unappealing qualities, Kady and Stacey enjoyed frequenting the establishment because it reminded them of home, the first time they had went there for a drink they had found themselves needing to wipe their feet on the way out; it was their kind of pub. Ian also liked The kings Arms because the clientele of the pub were so lowbrow that he never got hassled for autographs. In fact, he would have been surprised if the punters had known what day it was as they were all raging alcoholics, every time he had come in so far he had seen the same four men, who had an average of three teeth each and held their trousers up with string.

The three of them took their usual corner that enabled them to watch the many brawls that broke out that day, they kept themselves amused by betting on the fighters, whoever lost had to buy the next round of drinks. A Scottish man had just been beaten by a typically arrogant cockney, Ian and Kady who had predicted this outcome turned to Stacey.

"Have you got enough cash Stace? That's the third time you've lost and you're skint at the best of times!" Kady laughed.

"Yeah, I'm getting payed by some medical students to test new drugs out." Stacey replied indignantly.

"Really? Isn't that kind of thing a bit dangerous mate?" Kady was used to her friend's stupidity, as she was arguably just as stupid but even she could see that Stacey's latest bright idea might end in her meeting an early grave.

"Well, I got sacked from my job at that ice-cream shop because I tried to give customers helpful advice remember? I told that fat American bloke that a triple chocolate sundae was he last thing he needed… it was true though, he was the biggest thing I've ever seen. He would make Molly's obese cousin Marie look slim!"

"Bloody hell." Kady, who remembered the sight of Marie in her enormous maroon tracksuit staggering around at the bowling alley back home, was speechless for a few minutes. Bigger that someone who had once gotten stuck in toilet cubicle that would have probably held eight women? Bigger than someone who had caused "Barry's All you can eat buffet" to go bankrupt? Jesus Christ.


End file.
